Summary
We live in an individualistic society, where laws and culture suggest that the individual and their desire is the fundamental unit. But if history tells us anything, it is that societies that last are those built on the family unit – mother, father, and children. When families flourish, societies flourish.
The Fifth Commandment serves as a bridge between the first four commandments, which deal with obligations to God, and the last five commandments, which deal with obligations to each other. The Fifth Commandment instructs us to honour parents, and indeed as a broader principle to all authority relationships. The commandment comes with a promise which encourages us to show respect, knowing that we will experience blessing from God.
Our Passage Explained
The first aspect to note of the Fifth Commandment is that it requires the honour of parents. The word used and translated as honour means to give weight or weigh heavily on. This commandment forbids treating “lightly” your parents; instead giving them the due respect they deserve as long as they are alive.
The way in which honour and respect is paid will depend on the family life-cycle. For young children, this commandment requires obedience to the reasonable demands and authority of parents.
For young adults, the dynamic changes as parents (should) progressively relinquish control. Instead the relationship involves respecting boundaries set while under their roof, respectful talk of one’s parents, and listening to their advice. For adults, respect involves loving and appreciating them, and ensuring that as parents enter more vulnerable life stages they are cared for.
This respect is due to both mother and father. In different societies and ages, and even within families, one of these figures typically takes unbiblical precedence. While the Bible is caricatured as a manual for patriarchy, this passage clearly points out that mothers are equally important authority figures to fathers, not more or less. Both figures are important to the well-being of families, and society.
As with various commandments, the principle extends beyond those directly stated. Parents are the first and primary authority figure that children relate to; others like the state and the church come later. But learning respect for parents helps with broader respect for wider authority. Where this is neglected, or the duty is abused, the consequences often seep broadly into a society and lead to its hurt.
The Fifth Commandment is so important that it comes with a promise of blessing. The Israelites were instructed to honour their parents “that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you” (v.12). The continued blessing of God, expressed as a type of his great redemptive love by the gift of the Promised Land, was tied to how they treated their parents.
This should not be interpreted as a blanket promise that all people who respect their parents will live long, financially prosperous lives. Rather, what is expressed is experiencing the fullness of God’s blessing, which is why Paul can quote this verse and apply it to New Testament believers in Ephesus (Eph. 6:2-3).
If God is so willing to bless those who respect their parents, it is no surprise that he also takes a dark view of those who do not. Thus we see in Scripture examples of God condemning those who rebel against parental authority (Lev. 20:9, Deut. 21:18-21, Prov. 30:11-14). Jesus rebuked the Pharisees who attempted to sidestep their God-given societal responsibility to provide for vulnerable, aged parents by “devoting” their wealth to God (Matthew 15:3-9).
Our Passage Applied
As with any commandment where obligations of respect and honour are established, there is the sad reality that both parties fail. Ultimately, respect is due to parents despite the fact that they fail to act in ways which do not exasperate their children (Eph. 6:4). Some parents manipulate or abuse their children, or hurt or affect their relationships with others (such as the other parent).
This commandment does not require children to put up with abuse, but to “respect the office” as we can. Like David (and to a lesser extent, Jonathan), we may need to distance ourselves physically and emotionally from parents who harm, but we should still seek to respect parents who hurt and harm (1 Sam. 19-31).
But just as parents fail their children, so too children fail their parents. We are all guilty of failing to respect our parents, whether through inattention, rebellion, or words. As children, we did not obey our parents as we ought; as adults, we may sometimes struggle and get frustrated by helping bear the burdens that old age brings our parents.
Unlike us, Christ was a completely dutiful son, both to his earthly parents and to his Heavenly Father. Even as he suffered on the Cross for our sins, Jesus ensured that his mother, Mary, was taken care of (John 19:26-7). His devotion to his family was only exceeded by his devotion to God.
Christ fulfilled the Fifth Commandment on our behalf. Where we failed to give due respect, Jesus succeeded. Through Jesus’ obedience, we enjoy the fullness of God’s blessings.
